Why I have a problem with Goodreads

Firstly, let me explain. I am posting this because Goodreads use the feed from my blog and repost it on their site. (Even though, if you visit my blog, you will see that all content is copyrighted and needs permission to be reproduced). And I want them to read this. This week I have been horrified by the treatment some authors have received from Goodreads and also by a small proportion of their users. I emphasise SMALL because I believe there are thousands of genuine, lovely readers on Goodreads. I want to make it clear that this is not about you. But someone I care about - a Goodreads user - was hounded by malicious messages this week because she dared to openly disagree with one feature of the site. She was sticking up for me and the abuse she received was so horrendous it made her want to close her own blog.

As authors, we're not supposed to answer back. If we get a bad review, or our books are rated and reviewed even when we're still writing it and nobody could have read the book because it doesn't exist (this happens on Goodreads), or if we receive abusive comments on our blogs and websites, or if people illegally download our work without paying for it, we're not meant to say anything about it. If we do, we're 'bad sports', or we 'only want to see good things about ourselves', or we shouldn't complain because we're 'doing our dream job' and, as such, 'have asked for it'. Now, apparently, our views don't matter to sites who use our books as collateral in order to generate discussions, either. A senior bod at Goodreads recently told a publishers' conference, "Goodreads isn't for authors." Fair enough, but without books (and authors) for the site to discuss, where would Goodreads be?

So, if you're a debut author who has self-published your book and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that nobody can have read it yet, but are faced with one and two-star ratings supposedly from someone who has read your novel, that's apparently OK. You can't answer back - and, when you contact the site displaying the clearly false rating, you're told their users are doing nothing wrong and that 'most users will take the rating with a pinch of salt anyway'. Except that if you're relying on a site like Goodreads to make readers aware of your self-published debut novel (and we're told as writers that the reason we can't complain is that it's good publicity), a low star rating could put off potential readers from even looking at your book. I've heard many stories like this from authors this week. And it's not just debut novelists: Harlan Coben posted this today:

To those reviewing MISSING YOU on Goodreads: I'm only halfway done writing it so could u tell me how it ends? Thanks. http://t.co/C7drEjX9Ul

— Harlan Coben (@HarlanCoben) August 19, 2013

But what angers me, more than all of the above, is that when people dare to openly question the system, they are subjected to malicious, horrific abuse. Abuse that they, like authors, are not supposed to respond to. I won't name the lovely lady who encountered this treatment this week because I don't want any more morons heading to her site. But she is a good friend of mine, an excellent reviewer and a member of Goodreads. She responded after I commented on Twitter that my new book had received a rating in June, when the rater couldn't possibly have read it because, like Harlan Coben, I was still working on it. She was angry at how some people were abusing the site she was proud to be a member of. So she spoke out. And the torrent of abuse she received was so bad it made her want to close the blog that she's worked so hard to create and is so well-respected by readers, publishers and authors alike. This is wrong. Whatever Goodreads say about their users, they cannot condone the merciless hounding of one of their users who dares to raise her head above the parapet - ultimately because she wants to make the site she is a member of a better place.

So, I'm standing up. I will not tolerate people being abused on social media or websites like Goodreads, especially not in my name. This lady did nothing wrong. She spoke up to improve the site she felt was being abused by a tiny, idiotic minority. She spoke up to protect Goodreads, by suggesting one thing the site could change to improve it. She did not ask to receive so much abuse that she was scared to go online. This has to stop. NOW. If you're reading this on Goodreads, do something about it. Raise awareness of the abuse perpetrated in the website's name by a minority of its users. Bullying of any kind is illegal. It should be taken seriously. Because if it is allowed to continue through inaction, it can be devastating. I am not prepared to stand by and allow it by my silence.

Why I DON'T want a Mr Grey...

There has probably been too much already written about the meteoric success of E.L James' Fifty Shades of Grey series, so apologies for adding to the column inchage. But there is an aspect of the reaction to the book that concerns me, and I feel I need to say it...

First of all, let me make this clear: I have nothing against the books themselves, nor the success of the author. It is great that she has created something people want to read. The hype is another thing altogether, but that's just the media and publishing industry hauling themselves onto the bandwagon and is to be expected, given the success of the books. So if you are reading the 50 Shades series and enjoying it, great. I hate the 'you must/must not read this book' brigades and will defend the reader's right to choose what he or she reads to the end. Everyone is entitled to read whatever they want to: if 50 Shades of Grey is your thing, go for it.

But I am worried by some of the response from some readers. Recently on twitter, facebook, blogs and forums, there have been increasing examples of women expressing a wish that they could 'have someone control me like Mr Grey controls Ana'. One example I saw this week said: 'I wish Mr Grey would teach me how to do what he wants', while another proclaimed, 'You've got to love a man who can control you!'... Now, of course I am well aware that the majority of women who read these books understand fully that it is a work of fiction and that Christian Grey is just a fantasy figure. But there are a vocal few who seem to believe that he embodies everything they should desire in a man.

Between two consenting adults - and by 'consenting' I mean both people fully aware of and fully comfortable with the decision - the kind of sex portrayed in the book is fine. The problem comes when one person is controlling the situation and the other feels pressured into taking part. In reality, a controlling partner is not sexy. Someone who tells you how to think, feel, dress, act and react is not doing it out of love for you. They are doing it to make themselves feel better, to deal with issues they carry.

This is where it gets personal to me. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for nearly eight years, with a partner who controlled everything about me. It was professed to come from a place of love, but it made my life a living hell. Because I loved him - and genuinely believed (in the beginning at least) that he was doing it all for my own good - I spent years enduring debilitating abuse and held my silence day after day, month after month. I was always told that I 'needed a man who would take charge' - someone who 'knew what was best for me' - and I believed this. But take it from somebody who knows: a man who takes pleasure in controlling you is not someone you should be getting into a relationship with.

My concern comes from a place of understanding. I know how attractive it can appear to have someone so seemingly powerful and interested in every aspect of your life. So part of me understands why some women - and I stress some - are openly wishing for a real-life Mr Grey. But a real man doesn't need to belittle you, curb your character or control your every waking moment in order to 'show his love' for you. My concern is that a significant minority of women reading the book might think this type of behaviour is acceptable in real life. It's not and never will be. Nobody has the right to tell you what to think, feel or be except you. Giving that much power to anyone is dangerous: in a relationship it can be devastating.

It hasn't been an easy decision to write this, but nobody else seems to be saying it, so I feel I have to. If it's dismissed by most as an overreaction, but stops one woman from entering into a potentially abusive situation, it's worth it. If you are reading this and you know you are already in a controlling or emotionally abusive situation, there is a way out. Contact Women's Aid for free, confidential information, advice and a 24-hour helpline. I found the courage to leave - and life is brilliant on the other side.

Enjoy the books if you read them. Get involved with the characters in the story and see it for the fictional story that it is. Keep the controlling Mr Grey where he belongs: in a fictional fantasy - and don't invite him into your real life. Thank you for reading.