Old mail and new beginnings...

Something odd just happened...

I was checking my emails (as you do) and realised I had a whole folder of stuff I'd kept from an old boyfriend. I don't know why I'd kept it - I can't remember the last time I even looked at it and, seeing as I was unceremoniously dumped by him over two years ago, there's absolutely no reason I'd want to revisit my past.

That was why it was so strange to find the folder - and realise how much I've moved on since that time.

It was odd to think that I had ever been (a) as naiive as I was; and (b) as completely desperate as I was with him. The poor guy probably didn't know what hit him when I fell for him as hard as I did. Having said that, it wasn't all one-sided; what began as an online correspondance quickly turned into this web of words that caught both of us up in its potency, I think. It's odd how you can feel you know someone through emails and phone calls so quickly - when if you were meeting face to face you would naturally take a lot longer to get to know each other. One minute we were sharing jokes about awful chick-flicks and Ninja Grannies (yep, this was where the genre of geriatric warrior originated) and the next he was declaring undying love for me and I was spending hours at my laptop waiting for him to message me.

Ugh... When I look back on it now, I feel so completely embarassed by the whole thing. It would have been so much better if we had just remained jokey pen-pals and never let our hearts run away with ridiculous romantic notions. I lost a friend because it all got out of hand and it's a shame...

They say you learn from your mistakes; in my case this was definitely true. After this guy I met the gorgeous Bob and took my time getting to know him. I was so scared of being that bunny-boiling FREAK which I'd turned into before that I got a grip of myself and didn't entertain crazy notions beyond what we were capable of. That's why it's working and I'm not panicking about the future.

So, if the email guy in question should happen upon my blog - I'm sorry. I wish you'd just stayed my friend and I wish I hadn't reacted the way I did. Hopefully, lessons learned and all that should count for something...